I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize