Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
