Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
