Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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