I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
