I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
