And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
