You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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