thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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