there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
