And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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