My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You left your phone here
Wait...
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