Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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