Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
