The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
