PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
