RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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