for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
