He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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