why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
