there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
