I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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