Im at strip club and am horny
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
