okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
