Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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