On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Found the puke drawer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize