Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
