I must be too annoying 4 u.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
