Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
