You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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