It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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