Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize