hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
