I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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