Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize