Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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