So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
