I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize