This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
