i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
