That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
