too bad you live with your parents still
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
