i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
