I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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