dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
