I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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