It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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