You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
