I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
