When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize