Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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