I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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