she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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