FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
