Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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