so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
