Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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