he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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