i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
