I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
