its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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