All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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