i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
