Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
