come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
