Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
