Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
