she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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