you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
