Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
