You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
