Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
